So, it has officially been two years since I have posted to my blog. Apparently, after writing my book and song, I went into a time of having nothing left to say that wasn't already written in my book or song. However, I (along with the hubs and kiddos) have embarked on a journey through foster care being placed with a four day old infant back in November. It has been the greatest challenge of our lives, and believe me when I say that I have been challenged beyond belief spiritually, physically, and emotionally with my health crisis, which has now gone on for 8 years. I know what it means to suffer greatly and feel like I would die at any moment and be forced to leave an earth that I loved and children that I longed to raise and love more than anything.
Here I am in a trial of my own choosing. With so many conflicting emotions on this journey, and looking back at how all of this was pieced together in the first place, I see that I could have embarked on a path of least resistance, but that is not the path that God has for me or our family.
Last summer, I had it in my mind that I needed to return to college--again--not like spending 10 years the first two times in undergraduate or graduate school were enough. I, all along, have wanted to have an impact on my world, and this was driven home even more pointedly to me when I was in the throes of battling for my physical life. I tend to love learning, so I had it in my mind to become a nurse, like my husband. Since I am a professional patient and online doctor like my sister, I know a lot more about the human body because of my own illness than your average Joe or Jill. I knew that I would be a great nurse, because I knew how to empathize with people, because I knew what it was to suffer. I prayed fervently for God's direction. I spent hours talking with a local college about the program, and they really wanted me and were willing to waive certain requirements to get me in their program.
Then, our church began a new series by some pastor who has a big church somewhere in Illinois, I think. He wrote a book called, "The power of a whisper," and my hubs and I attended a small group that went along with each corresponding chapter. The first chapter and week at church had me mesmerized. It is not often that I sit through a sermon and feel like God is talking straight to me, but that was one of those moments. The gist of it was that there were five or so steps to determine if a whisper we were hearing was from God. The first was, does it align with scripture, well, in my situation, whether I was supposed to be a nurse or not would not be found in the Bible. Another was, does it go along with your God-given giftings and personality, and another was, what do those closest to you say about this? I have never been a fan of science. I wasn't a good science student, and I didn't like it. I became an English teacher, because I could spell well, I loved to read, and I loved to write. So, I found myself in a small group the first week, and I knew a few people, but most were strangers to me. I sat quietly through the whole discussion, and at the end, I told them that I had something to share. So, I shared a long story about where we were and what my plans were, and how I had been asking God if he wanted me to go back to school to become a nurse. So, a rather boistrous lady asked me, "So, you said you don't like science and that bodily fluids disgust you, and that many of your friends are in the medical profession and have told you not to become a nurse, and you wonder what God's whisper is to you? The answer is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Okay, well everyone laughed at that point, but the point was made. God never told me anything per say, but after several days, what happened is that I gradually had a change of heart and eventually didn't want to be a nurse anymore--and it had nothing to do with the lady's comment.
My husband and I recieved our foster parenting license in May of 2012, and we had no idea which children he would bring into our lives, so I would pray daily for our empty spare bedroom, that God would bring the children he wanted to be here. So, we had three girls with us for six days at the end of August, but it was obvious that it was not a good situation for us, and they ended up with a different placement with friends in our town.
School started, and I went back to work as a teacher in August of 2012, and I also was taking two online classes. Life was very busy and hectic, and I was talking with my licensing worker on November 7, 2012, and I told her that there was a lady at church who had these tiny foster babies and why didn't she call me with one. She told me that I wanted kids that were adopt only, and I said that I changed my mind. I told her not to call me until after November 27, because I was taking the G.R.E., because I had plan to apply for a doctoral program for the Fall of 2013, and I had to study for that test. She called me on November 12 to tell me that she had a four day old baby girl who was being removed from her home, and she wanted to know if we were interested. After talking with my hubs, it was obvious that it wasn't something we were looking to happen, but we trusted that God was in it, and we told her that we would take her.
On November 12, 2012, we became foster parents to a very tiny baby girl. I will write more about this in my next blog.
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